To most people I am a respectable 34 year old spinster who isn't interested in sex or relationships and is happy to devote her time to her nursing job, volunteer work at a homeless shelter and her 4 cats. In reality I am very highly sexed and masturbate at least 5 times a day while thinking of the most twisted things imaginable. My fantasies have never been normal. I first masturbated watching a film called "The Accused" after I got a TV with a VCR player built in for my 11th birthday. It featured a rape scene that was supposed to be horrific and upsetting but it made me feel aroused for the first time. I used to imagine I was in the place of the victim and loved the idea of men causing me pain for there sexual pleasure. Soon after this I took my own virginity with a candle, it hurt a lot but I liked the pain and imagined it was a stranger forcing himself inside me. When a Pakistani family moved in next-door I became friends with their daughter who was a year younger than me and I developed my first lesbian crush on her. I then imagined she was the victim in the rape scene and that I had a penis and was one of the rapists. I never told her that I liked the idea of hurting her, even then I knew it was wrong, but I did tell her how much I wanted to be used. We found some bootleg porn tapes in her parents room and would watch them at my house during our weekend sleepovers. They were European 80s movies and from them I learned of more extreme sex acts like women being urinated on, fisting and anal sex, all of which excited me. As my friend was younger and looked up to me she used to go along with anything I suggested and, as a result, we experimented a lot. She let me masturbate in front of her and would hurt me by slapping my face or pinching me if I asked her to. We used to watch each other pee and she let me wipe her afterwards. We used to arrange her dolls into sexual positions such as having Ken rape Barbie. I told her I loved her when I was 14 and she, at first, agreed to be my girlfriend. However, after she started crying as I kissed her, she admitted she wasn't interested in girls and just wanted me to be happy. I told her I only wanted to be with her if she was happy. We drifted apart after that. We were still friends but I was heart broken and didn't want her to feel bad about it (we did eventually make love the night before she went to university however). I think that a love of unorthodox and forbidden sexual practices runs in my family. My family came to England from Ireland and are devout Catholics, my uncle (mum's older brother) is actually a priest. However, despite preaching about how sinful sex is (especially out of wedlock) I know that my mum and uncle are as perverted as me, if not more so, and have seen evidence that they have committed incest together on multiple occasions. Soon after I had watched the porn from my friend's parents room, I searched my mum's room to see if she had any. I found a collection of small tapes to fit a camcorder. After a few weeks I managed to get my hands on an adapter to watch these tapes on my TV and was shocked by what I saw. The earliest date on the tapes was 1990 so my mum would have been 27 and dad had been dead for two years. Most of the tapes showed mum and a woman from our church having sex (always anal) with my uncle and an older priest who I recognised from my youth. Some of the tapes had gay sex between my uncle and the older priest and lesbian scenes with my mother, the older woman and a girl of about 18 who called her mum. These tapes sparked my intrest in incest. I didn't have sex with a man until I was 20. I had met a woman in an online chat room for people interested in incest. She was having sex with her son but only anal as she was scared of pregnancy. She paid for me to fly out to Prague so she could watch her son have vaginal sex with me. It was a fun trip where I slept with both mother and son, together and separately. These days, I often have sex with homeless people I meet during my volunteer work. The men are usually more than up for it when they realise my proposal is genuine but it's a little harder to bed the women. I talk to them and gain their trust until they feel comfortable enough to open up to me. If they tell me that they sometimes turn to prostitution I make them an offer. These range from taking them to the bathroom and having them go down on me or relieve themselves in my mouth so I can drink their urine in return for a 30 or 40 pounds, to being my submissive partner for a few days in return for food and shelter at my house. I have come here to get some of my darkest fantasies off my chest. I have never written before so that might become clear as you read them. My stories will include my favourite perversions such as sadism, degradation, incest, watersports, age play, racism (I am an anti racist campaigner and I hate racism of all kinds but the fact I find it so appalling and wrong is what turns me on) religion, homelessness, drug addiction, menstruation (again, so taboo it excites me) and women, like myself,who lead double lives. I don't care if you think I'm sick because I agree, I'm not proud of being a pervert, but I can't change it.