Interview with Dr Charley Ferrer America's BDSM expert

Dr Charley, you are known as America’s BDSM Expert, can you tell us a bit about your background and professional journey?

It all started with my first therapy couple while I was still working on my Masters in Counseling Psychology. The couple were having relationship problems. The man had been suffering from impotency problems for the past six months when they came to see me. As I tried to get to the root of his problem, he stated that it started when he had desires to, “spank his girlfriend”. I turned to the girlfriend and asked, “What do you think about that?” Her comment, “I think that would be okay.” The next day they called to say they were over the impotency issue, live was great, and they were taking a few days to enjoy their sex life.”

I thought I was hot stuff curing my patients in one session. However, when I discussed the therapy session with my colleagues and fellow students, they felt I should have advised her to seek shelter at a battered women’s facility, have her press charges against him, or have her dissolve their union.

Here I was with future therapists who were imposing their “moral values” instead of empowering their patients and understanding that there was more than one way to express your love and affection for another.

Since that day back in 1995, I’ve been learning as much as I could about Dominance and submission and educating others. I’ve spoken before the World Congress of Sexology in Canada, the International Congress of Medical Providers in Venezuela, and the Chinese Sexological Association in China and across the US on sexual empowerment and Dominance and submission; including the need for the medical and mental health community to educate themselves about BDSM to better serve their patients. This has earned me the title of “America’s BDSM Expert” around the world.

Why do you have a deep interest in BDSM as opposed to other forms of sexual expression?

I believe all forms of consensual sexual expression are normal and appropriate. As for Dominance and submission in particular, it holds a special place in my soul. You don’t suddenly wake up one morning and discover you are Dominant or submissive. It’s something you’re born with; like being gay or lesbian. This is your sexual make up! Yes, there are many individuals out there that want to be “kinky” or “play at BDSM”; however for the majority who embrace this lifestyle, BDSM is how they relate to the world. Being Dominant or submissive to another is what calls to you and “quiets the voices” as I jokingly tell others.

For me, being Dominant in my relationship and my interaction with others is natural. This doesn’t mean I “boss” everyone around; I only share my Dominance with those I consider appropriate and I happily sit back and allow others to lead when appropriate. However, I found a romantic D/s relationship is what makes me happy.

Lots of people are concerned that BDSM may not be safe. Can you make some comments about that?

Participating in BDSM activities does come with some risks. That’s where RACK comes into focus. (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) Many of the things we enjoy doing with our partners can lead to injuries or consequences. That said; crossing the street, participating in sports, going bungee jumping or diving has its risk as well.

I recommend anyone interested in exploring the BDSM educate themselves whether it’s on how to throw a whip or flogger or how to participate in edge play activities. This isn’t merely for your safety but for those you plan to interact with. In my opinion, educating yourself is a true sign of respect and love toward others.

You clearly work tirelessly and passionately providing education on relationships; what drives you to work so hard?

I remember sitting in my bedroom at 15 years old staring at a picture I drew on my wall; a full live mural of a man tied to a post while two women in short shorts whipped him. I couldn’t understand why I drew it nor why it made me feel “at peace”. Everyone in my family thought me either insane and in need of treatment. As the inscription in my book, BDSM The Naked Truth states, I’m passionate about providing education because I know what it’s like to be one of those people who, “sat in the darkness, stared into the abyss and wondered, “Am I normal”.

The answer is: YES YOU ARE!

Can you give any advice to erotic writers who want to share their writing with others?

Many authors are jumping on the bandwagon of BDSM without any clue as to what the lifestyle is all about. They write a scene in their novels because they think it’s “hot” yet they give no consideration to the fact that BDSM is not just an erotic thrill, it is a lifestyle and a sexual identity for many who embrace Dominance and submission. I would advise authors to educate themselves and do their research as they would with any other lifestyle or topic. BDSM isn’t just a sexual thrill. To many, it’s a way of life.

I wish you all the best in your writing endeavors and life in general. Please feel free to contact me with any questions.

You can contact Dr Charley through her website

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